Ode To The Steak I Just Made

O! And lo, there I see you lay,
Draped in spices and garlic sin
A succulent sear comes your way
And a juicy flesh lies within

But, hark! I hear your crackle now
A sign that soon you shall be done
An arduous look ‘cross my brow
For my heart you’ve already won

O! If to love is to taste– I will
Ive never met true love like yours
And as I press you to my lips
I exclaim my fervent adore

And when you leave my heart shall ache
My life will be a wash of blue
‘Til another of you I make
I’ll savor the memory of you


I Would Rather Not Crave You, Love

I would rather not crave you, love

(though my heart screams in the face of that lie)

The shards of you that shiver down my spine

Yes, love, you know my weakness

And, yes, you know exactly how to get in

And there you go,

Seeping deliciously into my veins

The hope that lies just beyond

Where my stunted body is unable to reach

Yes, love, you know me well

You breathe my breath, exhale my faults

Oh, love, what you must think of me

Silly girl.

Silly girl.

This starlight was not for my eyes

This fire did not burn for me

My mind plays me the greatest of fools

More so than the lies from the lips of a thousand men

Would that I could catch you, love

Still, I would not, could not be, sated

This heart beats only for the sake of beating

It kindles and ebbs to pass the time

What is there now, love, that there is nothing?

What is the prey when it is not hunted?

Where do the dreams go when we wake?

You left me here, love, at the edge of the galaxy

And, I waited here, blindly, for you

And, as the circles of my eyes become dimmer still

And, the already stale air refuses to replenish

I realize how foolish I have been

You never said you were coming back

My heart tells lies only my eyes can see

I will float among these old sparks of light

Always empty of you

I would rather not crave you, love

But, in the end, I always do.


Ode To the Shoe Print On the Inside of the Toilet


O, there you are seen

a stark contrast to

the white porcelain

you are set onto


You’re a mystery

A puzzle to me

How can you be?

I’ve no way to see


Vainly I shall seek

The secret you hold

A meaning to eek

But, you are so cold


What is your meaning

What story to say

What is your being

How came you this way?


Who would leave you here

So sad, so alone

All that is left is fear

You’re closed, like a tome


You reveal nothing

Silent, like you came

You hide everything

You’ll leave all the same


Cleaned off like a cut

Your secret is drowned

You are now gone but

Your puzzle abounds


As sly as a cat

An answer that’s shown

To a riddle that

I have never known



I was cleaning the bathroom at work the other day, and I saw the inner bowl of the toilet had a very distinct footprint. Why?


What could a person possibly need to stand on the inside of the toilet bowl for? Any reason I could possibly think of is automatically rejected.

They needed something on the ceiling.

They were engaged in some elaborate kind of sex act.

They didn’t want to touch the toilet seat so they were squatting.

Even in these wild scenarios, a person would have much better leverage with the toilet seat down (not the lid, mind you). 

I can not for the life of me begin to understand what the necessity of standing on the bowl of the toilet would be. 

It’s not even a pet peeve, really, I’m more impressed than anything. It must take a kind of balance to stand so precariously on the edge of the seat and not fall into the bowl. I think I would notice someone coming out of the bathroom with one sopping leg, and no such incidence occur. I would almost want to shake the hand of such an individual, except who knows what they are doing in there.

All I can hope is that they leave a note next time, so I’m not left wondering.